How to deal with sod’s
Let me start by saying that horrible people, or bully’s, let’s call them ‘sod’s’, usually don’t want to change. They are probably hanging out for an argument with me, or hoping for me to be beaten down by what they say.
Regardless of what sod’s say or do, I retain my own absolute power to choose how I respond.
This is my secret weapon. And it can be yours too.
In the moment
When their torrent of sodding advice is in full flow, I just breathe deeply, smile and let them vent. When they pause, I might prompt them – ‘I can see you are upset. Was there anything else?’ Let them vent again. Finally, when they’re finished, I choose from one of the following options:
- Just look them in the eye, smile, and turn away.
- Say, ‘So let me get this straight. What you’re saying is …xyz. Right?’ Let them vent some more. Then say one of the next ones.
- Say, ‘Thank you. I’ll have a think about that and get back to you.’ (I don’t need to.)
- Say, ‘Thank you. I can see in certain situations what you say may be true. However, I have a different point of view in this case.’
You are defusing and avoiding an argument, and calming an angry situation, transforming it actually. There are never any winners in arguments. People can’t fight you if there’s nothing to fight against, they deflate quite quickly.
Sometimes people just want to vent and be heard. Even if you think it is bollicks. You are respecting them, even if they try to disrespect you.
What you are doing is holding space for their pain, even if it comes across as criticism of you. It is always their stuff. It has nothing to do with you. And this approach returns power to you.
Afterwards
Take some time out afterwards to breathe. See how you are feeling in your own body right now.
Sod’s often say hurtful things, because that is their conditioning. That means that sometime in the past, probably back when they were a kid, someone hurt them. And at the time they didn’t have any way to deal with it. They just bottled it up. Got resentful. Maybe they argued, got hurt some more. And the outcome is they learnt the unwise practice of insulting others, to make themselves feel better, as a defence mechanism. It was part of their early conditioning, and now it has become automatic.
Now, you probably aren’t going to change that. That’s not your job.
But maybe what they said still hurt you, you are only human.
Our own state of mind is the most important thing here!
Defuse the criticism in your own mind by picturing the sod as child, being hurt by someone older or bigger. The poor sod got hurt when they were vulnerable. They still carry that pain. That is just sad.
This is the main part of the secret weapon: Be sorry for them.
This is the only rational response for you. Privately wish them well, wish for them to be happy, wish for them be at peace.
This energy of compassion is so good for you. How does it feel in your own body now, when you choose to feel sorry for the sod as a kid? Powerful, right!
At a distance
Let’s face it, there are sod’s all over the place. Some of them are hurting people we know directly, even if we may not know the sod personally. Some of them are in positions of power over us here economically, or elsewhere in the world, stirring up yet another war, causing more mass starvation, or wrecking the environment.
That can be quite frustrating and dispiriting for us. Our news feeds are full of it. Some of us see it in our vocations. Our first reaction might be to get angry with the perpetrators.
Again - our own state of mind is the most important thing here.
We all want to be happy, but we can’t do that if we are busy being angry with the sod’s in this world. It’s draining on our energy and our health. We certainly can’t help anyone else if we allow the sod’s inside our head to control our energy and our thoughts.
So how to transform this for ourselves? Exactly the same thing as above.
Yes. Be sorry for them. Wish them well, wish for them to be happy, wish for them be at peace, not just for themselves, but for all those they affect.
I tried this recently in relation to a certain President that was annoying me, and it certainly calmed my farm. I believe if enough people do this the combined intention has a really strong energetic effect globally.
Not just President’s either. We can turn our best wishes and healing thoughts towards anyone we know who may be struggling. May they be well, may they be happy, may they be at peace.
It’s our secret weapon!
This mantra actually forms part of Buddhist metta meditation practice, but we don’t have to be Buddhists to use it, and we can use it anywhere, any time.
May you be well, may you be happy, may you be at peace.
Namaste
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With caring and kindness,
Rhys Dwyer
If you know anyone, from kids up who maybe struggling with body-held tension, energy levels, stress, anxiety, or choices, then please ask them to check me out. Bodywork and present moment awareness may just make a big difference.
Note that bodywork is always complementary to prudent medical care.