The Gift & the Gnarly Thought
Over the past couple of newsletters, we’ve looked at the concept of the river of thoughts that flows randomly through our heads, and some strategies to create some space between your ‘true self’, and this stream of trouble-makers. We also looked at how our thoughts about a challenging situation, can turn the challenge into a problem many times bigger, even when there is sometimes little we can do about the challenge. We waste a lot of psychological energy unconsciously doing this to ourselves.
This month I want to offer one strategy for dealing with a particularly persistent ‘gnarly thought’. The kind that causes you all kinds of worry, fear, anger or sadness every time you dwell on it.
Before I get to that I just want to talk a little bit about present moment awareness and why it’s a good thing, and why thinking gets in the way of that.
Present Moment Awareness is a Gift
When we are able to slow the thought stream, or at least disregard it, or take it with a grain of salt, then automatically awareness of the present moment pops up. And that is a truly wonderful thing, a gift.
Some people believe that the present moment is boring, or painful. Those responses, however, are really just more thoughts and judgements.
In the present moment we are open to our senses, both of our internal body state, our aliveness, and of the external environment. Right now, I can hear birds outside the window. I can choose to enjoy that beautiful cacophony of song in the moment. Or I can choose to curse the little buggers that are feasting on the grass seed I’ve been sowing lately. My choice to add unnecessary thoughts to the simple gift.
Still boring? Some of my clients need hearing aids to hear, and some are bothered with tinnitus, ringing in the ears - they’d love to be able to hear the birds naturally, it’s a gift. If you think the view of the plants in your garden or reading a book is boring, tell that to the lady I recently saw with cataracts clouding her vision. She would love to do those things. Do you have the use of both hands to interact tangibly with the world? One of my clients recently lost the use of one of his hands. Not only could he no longer play his musical instrument, but he could also no longer cook, and his wife had to help him shower. The ability to touch and hold is a precious gift, which we can enjoy in the present moment. For some people walking is a major challenge, just getting dressed in the morning is exhausting, for others getting enough oxygen to keep their mind straight or having a normal menstrual cycle is a challenge.
The gift of health that many people take for granted as boring, is actually truly wonderful, exquisitely so, when some aspects are taken away from you. For them, they can still choose to have gratitude for the gifts they have left, rather than what has been lost.
When we can enjoy the present moment as a gift, in whichever ways we are able, we become open to a whole other experience, including coming back to our true deeper self. For me that is a doorway into spirituality. Another side-effect of presence is the feeling of peace within you, and as I’ve said countless times, peace is a prerequisite to healing.
The Gnarly Thought
One part of the problem is that we assume that all our thoughts are true. Another part of the problem is that we assume our thoughts are us. And another part of the problem is that we assume that since we thought the thought, usually a problem, it’s important and must be solved immediately. If we don’t at least give it a good measure of worry, then we’re not being responsible.
The good news, of course, is that those assumptions are complete nonsense. Probably you inherited them.
The bad news is that unless we really want to prove this for ourselves, then things are probably not going to improve.
Most thoughts are NOT true, they are complete fabrication; thoughts are most definitely NOT us; they do NOT need to be solved now, unless the sabre-tooth tiger really is close by, in which case action probably trumps thought.
For the Gnarly Thought one resolution is to do some inquiry on it. Actually, challenge the thing! If it’s going to occupy all your energy for the foreseeable future, then you owe it to yourself to check it out properly.
For this I borrow from Byron Katie who has written whole books on the subject, and you can read more online at thework.com or see some of her YouTube’s. I love her approach because it’s simple and easy to remember. Even kids can do these five steps, which I am only going to briefly summarise.
Step 1. Is the thought actually true? If No, go to step 3.
Step 2. How can you know for sure that the thought is really true? Regardless of the answer, go to step 3.
Step 3. How does it make you feel, including in your body, when you believe the thought? Spend some time on this one.
Step 4. How would you be/feel if you did not have that thought? Might the stuff from the previous step disappear? Wow!
Step 5. The turnaround. Think of some other thoughts that are in some way opposite to your original thought. Is it possible some of them might be equally as true, if not more true, than your original thought?
Write those five steps out and stick it under your fridge magnet for the whole family to use.
Check out the books or online for examples.
You’ll find with practice that the original thought will quickly and completely collapse. If you want any help on this, just ask me next time you see me.
Eventually you’ll find that thinking about the past will lessen, why replay those old movies? And thinking about the future is just fantasy. Both are self-created energy wasters. The only place to be is in the here and now, the present moment, and that’s to be taken for what it is, without embellishment (ie without adding thoughts).
Next time you catch yourself angry or stressed, take a look at the thought underneath it, then do the five steps.
Do this process with any gnarly thought.
When it collapses, and it will, what is left?
Peace.
Free any held tension out of your body now!
Let me help you release any tension that has compounded in your body, perhaps through inadvertently allowing thoughts and anxiety turn a challenge into a problem! For first timers you get $30 off the regular price. Book here
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With caring and kindness,
Rhys Dwyer
If you know anyone, from kids up who maybe struggling with body-held tension, energy levels, stress, anxiety, or choices, then please ask them to check me out. Bodywork and present moment awareness may just make a big difference.
Note that bodywork is always complementary to prudent medical care.